When people are lost in life, they ask “What do I want?” This leads people astray for many reasons. 1) It’s too broad. What does want mean? I want to eat donuts every morning, but does that I mean I really want it? Which part of the brain’s want are we talking about? 2) We really don’t know what we want. I say I want to be famous, but I don’t really. To be famous is having to deal with strangers interrupting your day. It’s having to put up with noise and cameras flashing everywhere you go.

So, what’s a better question? From Tim Ferriss’ blog, I found a more powerful one: “What do I fear?”

You see, fear is primitive. It manifests in the deepest parts of the brain (amygdala), where conscious thought lacks agency

Now, at first, asking this question will be difficult. I, myself, asked, “What the hell do I fear? Spiders? Heights?” The key is to go even deeper . Ask yourself why you fear these things. Is your fear of heights tied to an accident? To some dogma your parents taught you? Or, perhaps, genetic, and you were just born, scared of high ground (Anakin, I have the high ground!)

After days of sitting on this question, I finally understood myself a bit more. I’m afraid of being rejected by people I respect. I’m afraid of living a meaningless life.

Now that we have these fears, what can we do? We can create plans to overcome, or mitigate these fears. \

So, if you’re scared of heights you can either 1) avoid any activity, location, lifestyle involving heights. Or, 2) expose yourself to heights. Remember the goldilocks rule here: just right. Something hard enough to cause you discomfort, but easy enough to stay committed. Start with 2 stories, 3 stories. Maybe go with a friend, or a loved one.

If you don’t know what you want, then ask, what are you scared of?